Children

Apparently a few people have the misconception that I do not like children. This is simply not true. While kids in general make me extremely uncomfortable (particularly the little ones) there are exceptions. My basic rules of thumb are: if I can carry on a relatively interactive and non-hostile conversation with a child, then I am good to go. If I can plop a child down in front of the TV to keep them entertained while I have grown-up time with their parents; I am good to go. If I can trust that a child won't steal my stuff, mess with my pets, or break anything; then I am good to go!

I don't like holding babies because diapers leak, spit-up happens; and when they cry it makes me feel like I did something wrong. Toddlers make me even more uncomfortable because they point and babble in a language that is gibberish to me but miraculously mom and dad always seem to understand. I hear 'bahbebbeblahgoo?' and mom goes 'oh, he wants his sippy cup'. Huh? Okay... Teen agers can go either way; sometimes they're shifty and make me nervous; other times they are highly entertaining. Again it goes back to being able to carry on an interactive and non-hostile conversation.

I'm sure there was a point in my life where I just assumed that one day I would breed. My first husband was all about procreation but I was still trying to grow up myself. Then when any of my friends would get pregnant, I experienced a mixed sense of awe and revulsion. Awe that they were creating a smash-up of them and the man they loved; and revulsion at what was happening to their bodies. Life rolled on, I remained child-free and came to accept that this was going to be my choice. I am perfectly okay with this. Plenty of other people are contributing to keeping our planet well populated so I'm sure my genes won't be missed.

I've been told by a couple of harried, exhausted looking mothers that my decision to not utilize my womb is a selfish and unrewarding choice. Selfish? Possibly. But sometimes being selfish is not entirely a bad thing. I know of plenty of people who've had children and shouldn't have. At least I recognized this prior to making the same mistake. I've also heard 'who will take care of you when you're old?'... Who's to say your kid will be there for you?? There are no guarantees of that! And as for unrewarding? Not hardly. My life is very fulfilling and I don't feel like I'm missing out on anything. In fact - I sometimes get the distinct impression of envy as I'm trotting out the door to do something fun while mom is stuck at home watching Barney. Again.

That being said, I do enjoy hearing stories from my friends about the trials and tribulations of parenting; as long as the TMI is kept at a minimum. While I cannot completely relate - I am often amused and sometimes feel smugly satisfied that it's them and not me. I will never have to deal with crayon ground into my carpet or unidentified smudges that smell like feet on my walls. I also understand that being a parent is an extremely rewarding and life-long experience. It's just not meant to be my experience.